The sound of tiny horses

 Well folks.....went to the doctor last Friday, husband in tow.  The nurse showed us around the room, pointing out this and that.  She pointed in the direction of the ultrasound machine, and made sure I was aware that I would be having a "trans-vaginal" scan today.  I had assumed as much, given the fact that I am not very far along, and have some "cushion action" in my belly region.  She left, I dropped my pants, and my husband stated how this would be the second time in a weeks time that he would watch another person (this time a woman) get all up in my business, while he was to remain clothed and seated.  I chuckled as I draped the paper "blanket" over my lap (which left my ass completely out, another thing my husband pointed out), and waited for the knock.  

In comes nursey, to sheathe the magic wand of ultrasonic wisdom and dowse with goo, and in she goes.  It feels weird.  REALLY weird, actually.  Not only because my husband is in the room, and not only because the wand feels like something that I, on any other occasion, might enjoy on a different level.  But weird, because, up until that point, I had entertained that something may be wrong, but hadn't fully prepared myself for it.  But really, how does one prepare for something like that?  

So, shes pointing out this ovary, and that bladder, and I'm all "GET TO THE FREAKIN' UTERUS, BITCH!  I NEED ANSWERS, AND I NEED THEM NOW!!!!!" when she says something about a light ring and do i see that faint flickering of grey? Wait....you mean THAT flicker.......yeah, I see it.  It was then that she told me that the flickering was my baby's heart.  And I nearly passed out.

She took measurements of the size of this and that using her computer, and then she asked us if we'd like to hear the heartbeat?  Um, let me think about that for a second.  YES!  So, at first I was (apparently) moving around and breathing too much, so I had to -get this-hold my breath for a few seconds.  Which ordinarily wouldn't be a big deal, but at this moment, I was feeling a bit like I had finished a marathon.  But, I sucked it up and in, and there it was.....like music to my ears.......the sound of my little egg mcmuffin's heart beating away like a tiny marching band.  And I nearly passed out again.

Contemplating Relocating

Two days until my first ultrasound.  I am finally experiencing a little nausea (who would have thought that i would look forward to something as retched as this), and still can barely keep my eyes open mid-morning.  I got teary eyed when browsing the target baby registry catalog, and woke up three times to tinkle.

Yep, I think it is official.

Greg and I started talking about "important" things last night, like circumcision, and finding out the sex of the baby.  I, of course, joked that the first decision would be easy to make if we found out we were having a girl.  Which, I'm convinced that we will, because my genes are strong, and also, because if we have a boy, my mom will be forced to turn him gay.  "Someone has to take these dollhouses!!!".  But in our conversation, we also got to talking about moving.  We have been on board with moving closer to my family for a while now, and our two year countdown is about half over.  I cannot imagine having a child in our current house.  It is old, and drafty, not to mention haunted.  And we share a common wall with the second biggest redneck alive.  Not exactly conducive to raising children.  So, I suggested that we could move by the end of the year, or first of next, at which time the baby will be about four months old.  My family is going to be a huge asset in our relocation, and I think, that with their help, we could manage the move.  But now, as I sit here at work, I wondering if it wouldn't be easier to do while I'm still pregnant.   Sure, finding a new doctor would be inconvenient.   And yes, I am aware that our house is still not entirely renovated.  But do we really want to start this new phase of our lives in a place that we know isn't where we want to be?  Do we really want to have this baby in a house that we are going to leave soon after anyways?  Am I crazy here?  Is it just the fact that I miss my family so much, that I am willing to turn things upside down, when things are already flipped sideways, or is it because I truly hate this house?  Man!  I'm going to have to really think this over.  Maybe over some honey nut Cheerios's.  

We have ignition

Well folks..........here goes something

Its my first "real" attempt at blogging (if you don't count myspace, which, let's not, okay?), and already I have a strange feeling in my belly. I'm not being unrealistic in my thinking that this blog will probably go unread and virtually unnoticed by most people. Which is fine, actually. I'm not doing this for notoriety. I'm simply doing this because lately, I'm not entirely sure as to what I should be doing, save for sleeping and peeing (both of which i cannot do enough). My life is changing like many lives have changed before me. I am both excited and scared shitless.

So, as it stands (or, as far as I can tell), I am 7 1/2 weeks pregnant. My husband knows, as well as a few key friends. But only because they saw me "not drinking" on New Year's Eve, which is SO unlike me. But, we have elected not to tell our families for a while, which is truly killing me. I am very close to my family, despite the fact that we live 400 plus miles away from one another.

See, we recently lost a baby. Chemical pregnancy is what they called it. A very early miscarriage. From what I have gathered, they are very common. Especially in those who are activly trying to conceive, mainly because we are more apt to be peeing on sticks when our period is only an hour late. It doesn't make it any less sad. I was devastated. But, I put my faith in my body and mother nature. And my next cycle, BAM!!! Pregnancy no. 2.

Which pretty much brings us up to speed, minus the gory details. I had my first OB appointment on Friday. They drew enough blood to keep Dracula at bay for a while, fielded some medical history questions to me and the husband, and set me up with an ultrasound appointment for this Friday. Five days. Five days until I can feel at peace with my body for a little while. I know that there are a billion and seven things that can happen during a pregnancy. Defects. Problems. Etc. But for right now, I just need to know that the lil' one has a heart, and that it is working. Jesus, there go the waterworks. Did I mention the bursting into tears for virtually no reason whatsoever? Yeah, its pretty sweet..............not only that, but my already menacing breasts seem to have signed a secret deal with the devil. Am I wearing nipple clamps? No, its just my hormones. It seems that everything that I do, is in direct correlation to the ever changing levels of hormones. Can't get out of bed without a snack? Hormones. Is that a zit on my shoulder? Hormones. Constant (but somehow, still funny) ripping of farts? Probably the beans I ate with dinner. But maybe, also, you guessed it. Hormones.

But seriously, it is all still pretty amazing. My best friend just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a little over twelve hours ago. She knows about my being pregnant. She knows everything about me. Including what I'm feeling right now. I'd call her, but I am ready for bed. And need to pee.

Stay tuned..................