We have ignition

Well folks..........here goes something

Its my first "real" attempt at blogging (if you don't count myspace, which, let's not, okay?), and already I have a strange feeling in my belly. I'm not being unrealistic in my thinking that this blog will probably go unread and virtually unnoticed by most people. Which is fine, actually. I'm not doing this for notoriety. I'm simply doing this because lately, I'm not entirely sure as to what I should be doing, save for sleeping and peeing (both of which i cannot do enough). My life is changing like many lives have changed before me. I am both excited and scared shitless.

So, as it stands (or, as far as I can tell), I am 7 1/2 weeks pregnant. My husband knows, as well as a few key friends. But only because they saw me "not drinking" on New Year's Eve, which is SO unlike me. But, we have elected not to tell our families for a while, which is truly killing me. I am very close to my family, despite the fact that we live 400 plus miles away from one another.

See, we recently lost a baby. Chemical pregnancy is what they called it. A very early miscarriage. From what I have gathered, they are very common. Especially in those who are activly trying to conceive, mainly because we are more apt to be peeing on sticks when our period is only an hour late. It doesn't make it any less sad. I was devastated. But, I put my faith in my body and mother nature. And my next cycle, BAM!!! Pregnancy no. 2.

Which pretty much brings us up to speed, minus the gory details. I had my first OB appointment on Friday. They drew enough blood to keep Dracula at bay for a while, fielded some medical history questions to me and the husband, and set me up with an ultrasound appointment for this Friday. Five days. Five days until I can feel at peace with my body for a little while. I know that there are a billion and seven things that can happen during a pregnancy. Defects. Problems. Etc. But for right now, I just need to know that the lil' one has a heart, and that it is working. Jesus, there go the waterworks. Did I mention the bursting into tears for virtually no reason whatsoever? Yeah, its pretty sweet..............not only that, but my already menacing breasts seem to have signed a secret deal with the devil. Am I wearing nipple clamps? No, its just my hormones. It seems that everything that I do, is in direct correlation to the ever changing levels of hormones. Can't get out of bed without a snack? Hormones. Is that a zit on my shoulder? Hormones. Constant (but somehow, still funny) ripping of farts? Probably the beans I ate with dinner. But maybe, also, you guessed it. Hormones.

But seriously, it is all still pretty amazing. My best friend just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a little over twelve hours ago. She knows about my being pregnant. She knows everything about me. Including what I'm feeling right now. I'd call her, but I am ready for bed. And need to pee.

Stay tuned..................